New Moon has sort of been gradually revealing itself to be an episodic novel. I was not expecting that, and I'll make an argument for it later if you don't believe me. But for the third or fourth time in this book, the game has changed. A Cullen is back. Does that mean we can stop learning gradually about the werewolves? I hope so. Not that the last two chapters were that bad. Or maybe they just seem better compared the the evil abyss of Chapter 14, "Family." The wolf pack is a family alright. Like the family from that joke "The Aristocrats."
"Who's Afraid Of Virgin (Yeah) Wolves?" (Chapter 14)
"Bella Was A Diver And She Was Always Down" (Chapter 15)
Meanwhile, I complained a lot about Jackson Rathbone's slight and stupid torture-porn flick, Dread. For the next entry in the Biterion Collection we're doing something happy. We deserve it.
And there has been a whole bunch of press for Eclipse, so I have culled bits and pieces here. We all weighed in on Robert Pattinson and Ashley Greene on Jay Leno; the general consensus seems to be that Pattinson is equal parts charming and awkward and Greene is equal parts tits and ass. So much so that sometimes people forget to point their cameras at her face. I'm not sure when there will be another notable TV appearance; Kristen Stewart has yet to make the rounds, correct? So there is that to look forward to.
I just read an endearing article about Taylor Lautner and how much he loves The Olive Garden, which is kind of great. Similarly, Dan Kois somehow simultaneously praised The Cheesecake Factory and Toy Story 3 in The Awl this week, in an article that is worth a read despite the fact that it seems to spoil a few minor plot points (for the film, not The Cheesecake Factory). Dan Kois is not only a great writer, but I also sort of feel like he adheres to my tastes EXACTLY, which is a great thing to find in a critic. I'll pretty much see anything Dan Kois tells me to see. If you haven't read his review of Babies for The Village Voice you really should.
So, discussion topics are as follows.
- I don't know if we should re-hash the domestic abuse imagery thing, but I am feeling conciliatory. If anyone can justify the whole Emily thing to me, I am willing to hear it.
- I found out this week that Melissa Rosenberg, the screenwriter of the Twilight films, is also a writer for Dexter, a show that grapples with the moral ambiguity of being a vigilante. The question: Has S. Meyer ever considered any of the themes explored by Dexter, or in her mind is killing non-innocents a totally normal and acceptable thing to do?
- What is the deal with this strange, blood-shot-eyed picture of Ashley Greene? What is it?
- I agree with everyone, by the way, that Ashley Greene is maybe not the most compelling presence on a comedy talk show. And I was very happy that last week everyone elected to fuck her and kill Emma Roberts. Though it sounds like plenty of other people are laying on the hate nice and thick IRL at Emma Roberts, so maybe we should lay off. Or not. My question, though, is: are these late night interviews even supposed to be compelling? Are they just filler surrounding a promotional clip? I've already forgotten most of what they said. Is that the idea? Is Ashley Greene actually good at this? For the record, here is a marginally more insightful interview with Greene in which she briefly opines about her chances to acting success post-Twilight.
- Last week, Kira proposed a great game, which is sort of a variation on finding TWSS-worthy lines. You find some of S. Meyer's fantastic descriptive phrases that also happen to describe your ideal mate. As in, "Jacob's voice was wild with anxiety," just like how I like my women. So look for some of those, or good old fashioned TWSS-worthy lines from the last few chapters.
- Rewrite a classic story until it resembles one of Bella's extended metaphors. Like: what if Gatsby was in love with Daisy, but she was way on the other side of the lake and he also had a best friend named Jacob who he kind of loved in a different way?
- Harry Clearwater died this week, so eulogize him in preferably as many words as S. Meyer used writing about him in this book. So, about ten or fifteen words. RIP, Harry Clearwater, ?-2006. He liked fishing.
- Okay, an actual question: were you as shocked as I was that Bella actually came close to making a pass at Jacob? It seemed abrupt, but maybe only because I've been riding her so hard for being such a tease for so long that I failed to see where this was (almost) heading. That whole chapter, insane Romeo & Juliet-themed ramblings aside, was much different from what I've come to expect. Bella deciding to settle in to what is left of her life - is she Jim Halpert now or something?