"Peace the fuck out, Wes Craven."
MTV is reporting that Ashley Greene's breasts might be getting replaced by someone called Emma Roberts in Scream 4. Now, I don't know who Emma Roberts is. I only know that she was in Hotel For Dogs and also she is related to Julia Roberts. And most importantly, she is opposed to going topless. Now, this is from a source called RealBollywood, and also the article appears to have a picture of Emma Watson on it, but we should take it for gospel, because how do you make this stuff up?
"I would show my back and my butt on camera but I would never go topless. Going topless is so tasteless, and I prefer to leave all that stuff to people’s imagination."
I mean, that second part is kind of true, but then why are you okay with showing your ass? People can imagine breasts but not butts? (Butt is such a dumb word I can't help but giggle even typing it.) Also, are there any actors out there who won't show their backs? The point is, she is clearly not qualified to replace Ashley Greene. Greene, to be fair, also sort of once told MTV that she wouldn't do nudity unless she really identified with the character, but that is basically code for "I will take off my clothes as soon as anyone asks me." Does she not "really identify" with Alice Cullen? That is a great gotcha question, isn't it? Perez, are you reading this?
Scream 4, which is also known as Scre4m, apparently (cute), needs Ashley Greene. There is almost no reason for this movie to exist, and without her in it there is no reason at all for it to exist. Hollywood must know this. I don't want to hear about Emma Roberts ever again. She can be in Hotel For Dogs 2: All Dogs Go The The Hotel California, I suppose.