Psalm 31 And Other Shit One Should Never Tweet

In case you missed it, last night Alice and I had one hell of an SEO-boosting conversation about the various controversies and nontroversies erupting from the Jonas/Disney camp at the moment. The word as of now is that Nick Jonas verbally endorsed Demi Lovato, a Joe Jonas's ex and former JoBros tour-mate who has recently fallen ill (or something), from the stage. "Think of this family like a royal family," says Alice, who is apparently our Disney expert now. "They have alliances and factions and they all probably secretly hate each other. Little Nicky throwing his lot with Ms. Lovato (who is comanaged by his father) is significant."

Admittedly I have an imperfect understanding of the politics of Disney. But I do have a pretty good handle on the unspoken code between brothers, and "bros before hos" is a central tenet. So we'll have more on this as it develops or doesn't. In the meantime, let's take a closer look at a few of the tweets from last night's shitstorm. Twitter is so much fun for this kind of thing, isn't it? Search @ashleymgreene some time when you're bored. You get some cra-mazing stuff. It so baffles me that kids could spend any time or effort caring about who Joe Jonas isn't fucking that I'm convinced I somehow missed my tween years. Was I in a coma or something?

I too have struggled with people on the internet not fully grasping the intent of my jokes (See Oh No They Didn't, others). But it never occurred to me to make a joke, cancel out my punchline and address future criticism ALL IN ONE TWEET! With plenty of room for multiple ellipses to boot!

My favorite part in this string of crazy rumors is the idea that AG is some kind of computer hacker? Are they saying she deleted Demi's twitter account? That's kind of an awesome rumor, one that I would not take pains to dispel, were I Ashley Greene.

We alluded to the Psalm 31 thing before - Nick Jonas tweeted it the other night. On the list of weird things for teenage rock stars to do, that has got to be near the top. Like, can you imagine having the kind of brain where, when you start going through a difficult time, some part of your subconscious cues up the right Bible passage? I can see where the suicide rumors could come from when you start pulling shit like that.

If this really, audibly happened on the same night that N. Jonas declared his affiliation for Team Jemi (in so many words) I hope they were selling booze at the venue so AG could have a drink. Parents have to go to this shit, right? They must sell beer.

Oh, and right, obviously at some point we all stopped mourning and/or celebrating the death of Jashley. If you guys don't mind, I'm just going to re-use the headline I wrote when it happens for real.

Earlier today: Commercial Prospects