BOOK 1: Twilight
- An Apple A Day Keeps The Vampire Doctor Away- Edward and Bella talk in the cafeteria. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Diamonds (And Vampires) Are Forever, as well as S. Meyer's general tendency to put an adverb on each and every variation on "said."
- Alice Cullen & The Painted-On Bathing Suit- Unable to decide on an outfit for school, Alice Cullen paints her body instead. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Lux Aeterna, as well as the curiously desexualized nature of the first book.
- Bella Swan Gets Hit By A Car, Or Something- Pretty self-explanatory. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Paging Dr. Acula.
- Bella, Alice, and Jasper Go To White Castle- Bella wakes up from an all-night drug-and-sex binge with Alice and Jasper. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Fear and Loathing in Phoenix.
- Holland, 1945- An original story of sorts for Alice. This story was inspired by our first roundtable discussion, in which we talked about why the Cullens wouldn't have stopped the Holocaust.
- Edward and Bella (and Maybe Someone Else) Have A Conversation-Edward chats with Bella in the hospital. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Girlfriend In A Coma as well as S. Meyer's frequent problems with dialogue formatting and redundant stylistic touches.
- Tyler Dies- Charlie Swan has a standoff on an isolated street with Bella's friend Tyler. Relevant: Blogging Twilight: Forget It Jake, It's Vampiretown as well as Tyler's general dumbassery.
BOOK 2: New Moon
- Alice Gets Caught- Alice tries to hide her attraction to Bella from Edward and the fact that she's sleeping with Charlie from Bella. Relevant: Blogging New Moon: Do The Panic.
- Jacob Black Pretends To Be Gay- Jacob devises his worst plan yet to get in Bella's pants, Bella finds a package left behind my Alice. Relevant: basically the whole first half of New Moon, but this entry is as good as any.
- Bella Swan Becomes A Film Critic- Bella gets a call from her editor. Relevant: Blogging New Moon: Bad Romance, as well as the my general failures, career-wise.
- Billy & Charlie Watch The Game- Billy and Charlie trade insults. Relevant: nothing in particular, except the "You look like _____'s gay brother, _____" wars I used to get into with Jory Caron on Twitter. My favorite one ever was one he wrote: "You look like Guy Pearce's gay brother, Guy Pierce." Damn.
- Alice & Jasper Fuck The Cullen House To The Ground- Alice and Jasper have an epic fuck and then have to deal with the consequences. Relevant: The Atlantic's assertion that Ashley Greene and Jackson Rathbone have "much more sexual chemistry" than Robsten, as well as Blogging New Moon: The Denial Twist.
BOOK 3: Eclipse
- Alice Cullen Reads Jacob Black's Fortune- Pretty self explanatory. Relevant: S. Meyer's general inability to understand sarcasm. For instance: Blogging New Moon: Smooth Move, Wolflax.
- Edward and Alice Plan A Graduation Party- Some of my suppositions concerning Alice's future-seeing abilities are pretty clever, if I do say so myself, which apparently I just have.
- After The Party- Emmett and Jasper accidentally kill some people, Bella date rapes Edward, Alice fucks most of the guys on the Reservation. Relevant: Blogging Eclipse: A Wolf At The Door.
- Alice and Jasper At Woodstock '99- Alice and Jasper scoff at late 90s culture.
- The Cullens Go Hiking- A parallel version of chapter 20 of Eclipse; the Cullens monitor Bella's botched seduction of Edward and his subsequent proposal. Relevant: Blogging Eclipse: A Very Long Enragement.
BOOK 4: Breaking Dawn
- Alice Sets Bella's Khaki Skirt On Fire- Alice has an emotional crisis when Bella and Edward leave for their honeymoon. Relevant: Blogging Eclipse: How Soon Is Now?.
- Edward Cullen Asks His Family About Sex
- Alice, Emmett, and Jasper Get Bored- And play Monopoly. Relevant: Blogging Breaking Dawn 11-17
- Seth Clearwater Tries To Have Sex With Alice Cullen- Relevant: Blogging Breaking Dawn: Limited Omniscient
- Wolf & Shorty- The first chapter of a detective novel starring Alice and Jacob.
- Moonlight Sex Nada- Alice tries to talk to a sexually frustrated Edward. Relevant: Blogging Breaking Dawn: Last Tango In Forks
- Extreme Home Makeover: Vampire Edition- Kind of a spiritual sequel to the Khaki Skirt one; Alice convinced Esme to let her build a closet onto Bella and Edward's cottage. Relevant: Blogging Breaking Dawn: Napoleon's Battle Plan
- Alice Cullen's Christmas Vacation- With Alice MIA from the narrative, I'm sort of at a loss. Relevant: pretty much the last third of Breaking Dawn
- A Perfect Day For Vampirefish- A slight re-working of JD Salinger's famous short story.
- Alice Cullen Paints A Fence- Relevant: everything, just everything.
- Everyone Dies In An Explosion - My dream ending for this series.