I was reading the new Esquire today--Bill Clinton's on the cover--and in the back there's a section (formatted in that trademark Esquire ADHD style, boxes and charts and shit everywhere) about things men can agree on. Number 43: "Ashley Greene can go any way she wants to. It's all up to her." That line is accompanied by an old photo of her--the one where she's wearing that American Apparel-style fuck-me-leotard?--and that line is all there is. No additional copy to speak of. Huh?
I mean, I get what they're saying. Hollywood is not a meritocracy, but for Ashley Greene, and also maybe Taylor Lautner, it kind of is now. When I started to expand the scope of this blog I noted how interesting it would be to see what moves these young actors took in the aftermath of The Twilight Saga. What would they do with their fame, or in AG's case more like potential fame (in a "potential energy" kind of sense)? We haven't really answered that question yet, because it's taking fucking FOREVER to gather a decent body of evidence. But I guess we're sort of still trying. I am NOT going to see LOL in theaters, though. ANYWAY, if Ashley Greene's career falls apart, it IS going to be her fault. It will be the result of her choices as an actress and little else (and if Taylor fails it will be his dad's fault hahaha). But that is MY thesis. What is it doing in Esquire?
You know, I've stopped writing Ask Nick Sullivan, which was the main instrument with which I lovingly prodded Esquire in the past, in part because I mean how many can you even do but also in part because that column has become FAR less ridiculous in recent months. It's not about which $10,000 watch to buy, it's about how to fold your suits in a suitcase. A few of you have noted, in the comments and elsewhere, that my Ask Nick Sullivan responses are one of the top results when you search for the real column. That has less to do with my popularity (though someone at Green Mountain Coffee recently learned what kind of Internet power I wield) and more to do with Esquire's TERRIBLE web presence (for a magazine that brags about their apps and their "augmented reality" bullshit you'd think their ARTICLES would be easier to find. But still. Makes you think!
OK, it's actually probably because 1. there's a recession out there and 2. I wear more than like, band t-shirts and jeans now because I sort of have an ADULT job so I'm more conscious about the difficulties of like, managing these fucking clothes all the time (seriously, why do I have to tuck my shirt in? What is the point of that, really?) and less inclined to beat up on sartorially inquisitive men. So Nick's changed a little and I have too, and we're closer to the middle than we once were. I do not have that significant an impact on the universe. Though I was thinking the other day: if I'd been reading/using The Secret when Ashley Greene's lesbian subplot started on Pan Am, I'd have been like HOLY SHIT.
ANYWAY. The more likely theory of that mysterious Ashley Greene mention in this month's Esquire is that it's the first two sentences of her long-since-jettisoned cover story. Were they going to reach a thesis like my own, or was it the beginning on an anecdote about meeting Ashley Greene at an intersection in New York? Or was it a joke about the gay vibe that rolls off of her like radiation? I guess we'll never know, but now is as good a time as any to direct you to the predictive AG profile I once wrote (in case you are not clear on how or why Esquire is so ridiculous most of time).
And also to direct you to some blog posts that happened recently, in case you missed them: