The Butter Trailer, Somehow

I'm pretty sure we can talk about the Butter trailer despite the Ashley Greene Boycott currently in effect because, as you will see, she is in this trailer for about half of one second. Blink and you'll literally miss her. Honestly, her ass got more facetime in the fucking LOL trailer than her face does in this one. /Film notes, with an understated sense of disappointment, that this trailer does not hint at what I now hear is a lesbian SEX SCENE between Greene and Olivia Wilde. Does a gay sex scene make up for the Chick Fil A patronage? How explicit would it have to be for you to forgive her? How many seconds of scissorfucking can you show in an R-rated film anyway? Lots of questions,* I know, and I suppose all will be answered when Butter is released in the fall of 2026.

Elsewhere, The Apparition is, inexplicably, coming out this weekend, and you should obviously not see it. In part because Ashley Greene supports Chick Fil A, and in part because it is apparently 82 minutes long. Eighty-two minutes? You expect us to pay 14 bucks for that? Fuck off with your 82 minutes. (Especially since--didn't they do a bunch of reshoots?) I won't pay for a ticket to see anything under 90 minutes** unless it is stop-motion or directed by Shane Carruth (OR BOTH!). Most TV shows are longer than that these days, fuckers! What are you doing here, Ashley Greene? Don't answer that; you're re-shunned.

*More: isn't Ty Burrell playing her dad? So like, she bangs her dad's girlfriend? That's weird, right? I'm just trying to figure out if the incestual thing throws the progressivism from the train.
**This rule doesn't exactly square with my rule about music: that the best songs are either under two minutes or over six minutes, always. But unless you're buying the songs individually on iTunes the economic impact is way way mitigated.